Irving Inquisition

Hennepin County's HUB Project

noreply@blogger.com (The I.I.) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 08:16:00 +0000

This blog thread posted by the Irving Inquisition uses some explicit language, as well as depicting some aspects of life in North Minneapolis that some readers may find objectionable. Reader discretion is advised.

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1^st Up: The HUB

Let’s pick up where we last left off on the subject of the HUB. This proposed project is intended to break ground on the north end of Broadway between Girard and Irving next March.

This blogger was the lone attendee from the Jordan neighborhood at the NRCC meeting on the 12^th where the plans for this project were finally unveiled to the affected neighborhoods. You may be wondering to yourself, why does this matter? It matters because the county wants to distribute its currently efficient and centralized operation into satellite offices. These satellite offices would be scattered around the county, three in Minneapolis, and the remaining three somewhere in the burbs. When I asked Hennepin County Area Director, Rex Holzemer, how this would save money, he replied with a statement about how this would increase service levels. This of course if code for added expense and added operational costs.

But let’s cut straight to the chase shall we? The HUB has quickly been labeled as a pocket of poverty. Why? The sole purpose of this facility is to provide financially related social services. In the NRCC meeting, Holzemer stated that 80% of all North Minneapolis residents utilize county services. I almost fell out of my chair when I heard that. Did I understand Rex correctly? Am I some stupid, naïve, starry eyed idiot, living in a fantasy land? Is virtually everyone surrounding me in North Minneapolis suckling off the government teat except me? No, I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure that is statistically impossible. In fact there’s no way that’s possible. Even in a neighborhood like Jordan, owner occupancy is no less than 35%. That means that if absolutely everyone renting was in dire financial straits, and they required financial assistance, a maximum of 65% of all people living here would be on assistance. I draw this conclusion because the logic of home owners being on public financial assistance is quite frankly a non sequitur. When confronted with the home owner statistic, Mr. Holzemer replied that county services went beyond financial. They included child and mental care as well. Now I’m really confused. The HUB is supposed to be strictly for financial services—at least that’s what was said at the NRRC meeting—yet 80% of North Minneapolitans are going to be paying a visit there? Once you shower off the bullshit being lathered on oh so thick, it’s fairly clear that the rationalization to move ahead with this project will be whatever sounds the most emphatic.

So what about the building? What is it supposed to look like? Here it is! This glorious structure is going to be 30,000 square feet, two stories, and crammed into the southwest section of the lot. Everything else will be parking. Imagine three quarters of a city block in a residential area consumed by black top parking. It’s so lovely it makes me vomit in my mouth a little.

HUB

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Jerk Du Jour: Al “Mayor of Crazy Town” Flowers

The NRRC meeting was civil for the most part. When I say “most part”, I’m referring to everything that transpired that didn’t involve this guy speaking. Once Stupid opened his mouth, the collective intelligence of the room dropped precipitously.

This blogger had the indignant dishonor of sitting next to this douche. At first I didn’t realize I was sitting next to one of the biggest turd blossoms in all of Minneapolis. Therefore I made the mistake of shaking his hand. An hour later I realized who’s fecally laced prehensile paw my hand had made contact with; I quickly ran to the bathroom and washed my hands!

Al "Mayor of Crazy Town" Flowers... a.k.a. Stupid (image by JNS blog)

At the end of the NRRC meeting, I introduced myself and stated my case as opposition to this project. Flowers quickly blurted out that I was a writer for a racist blog. To date, nobody that’s actually called me a racist has actually pointed out anything concrete to substantiate that claim. Flowers didn’t hesitate to identify himself as a member of the NAACP after calling me a racist. Then he went on to threaten me by stating that I had better watch myself. Again, this is nothing new. Outsiders have been threatening local north side activists for years. The sociological irony is irresistable. But just in case there is any confusion, I think I’ll ask NAACP CEO, Benjamin Todd Jealous how he feels about Al Flowers and his verbal attacks on people trying to conduct business in their communities. Somehow I think Jealous would be inclined to distance himself from Flowers, especially considering that NAACP’s M.O. doesn’t generally include heckling the locals. Did I mention that Al Flowers is a south sider?

There’s no point in even linking Al Flowers to other blogs. A simple Google search will yield endless references to Flowers endless and shameless abuse of the legal system, as well as bad taste in apparel.

On a sad note, I must say that I was disappointed with my first and hopefully last confrontation with Al Flowers. Like so many things in North Minneapolis, mediocrity has become the accepted staple to reign supreme. Incidentally this includes building concepts, non-profit initiatives, and government projects. Unfortunately, this mediocrity has spilled over to people as well. Even blog trolls and villains like Al Flowers are mediocre. I was hoping to be wowed and impressed by the vaunted “Mayor of Crazy Town”, yet sadly his inaudible and broken English reveals a man that probably didn’t make it through high school. A pity, I was hoping for a worthy advisary.

Al “Mayor of Crazy Town” Flowers… Today’s Jerk Du Jour!

Government, Developers, and Non-Profits Attempt to Make a Power Play on West Broadway

noreply@blogger.com (The I.I.) — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 03:01:00 +0000

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Government, Developers, and Non-Profits Attempt to Make a Power Play on West Broadway

Take a look at this lovely document. What is it? This is the proposal by CPED to redevelop swaths of West Broadway.

Modification No. 9 to the West Broadway Redevelopment Plan

At first glance this may sound nice but the reality is that it’s not. Ackerberg, Catalyst, CPED, and Hennepin County all got in bed together to build a 30,000 square foot monstrosity, with two levels, and a massive parking facility. They want to build this structure between Girard and Irving, on the north end of West Broadway.

What do they want to do with this structure? Stuff it with 200 Hennepin County employees, with the purpose of providing social services. Social services like public assistance, child services, mental health, and so on… That means that the intersection of Broadway and Irving will be swarming with the unfortunate dregs of society.

Why build here? Well, the official line from Joan Mathieu at CPED is “The Hennepin County Hub will provide adult and child social services to clients throughout north Minneapolis with much more convenient access than is currently available in the County’s downtown service center. Some space will also be available for affiliated nonprofits to enhance customer service.” In reality that means that Ackerberg Group builds the structure and makes a ton of money in the process. Catalyst—West Broadway’s non-profit empire—affiliated with the Ackerberg Group, will then own and lease out the property back to the county.

Oh yes, there’s more… Review page 9 of the document above. See that part about acquiring 11 parcels of land? There are multitudes of century old homes and apartment buildings there. These would have to be demolished to satisfy the requirements of the proposed facility. Demolishing dilapidated properties beyond repair is one thing. Demolishing inhabited structures that are serving their purposes is unacceptable.

So everybody makes money, meanwhile the Jordan and Old Highland neighborhoods turn into a cesspool vortex of biped vermin. Because this blogger resides a mere two blocks away from this ground zero of social services hell, I have decided to do everything I can to stop this initiative from becoming reality. The plan is to build momentum, based on public outcry, and then shoot this thing down. While the services proposed are necessary, they already exist, and they’re downtown where they belong.

That's Just Stupid

noreply@blogger.com (The I.I.) — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 11:00:00 +0000

This blog thread posted by The Irving Inquisition uses some explicit language, as well as depicting some aspects of life in North Minneapolis that some readers may find objectionable. Reader discretion is advised.

That’s Just Stupid

NoMi is home to the ghetto solution. Why do things right the first time when a half-assed solution will do? After all, doing it right would permanently resolve said quandary. But let’s face it, that’s just asking too much. That’s why we’re in the sordid business of the day to day existence in this part of town.

Earlier this month I observed this and just had to get it on video… That would my Section 8 friends running their A/C in October. The ostentatious use of A/C on a day when the temperature barely cleared the mid sixties is nothing less than sad.

Moving right along; same property again. It’s illegal to park in the grass, so let’s pour some river rocks next to the driveway. By the way, this is illegal. How do we know this? Last year this blogger’s house was cited by the city for the same thing. They were notified by the now defunct nemesis blog, Jordan Hawkman, run by sociopath, Paul Koenig. Alas, I digress. So I had concrete poured to resolve the issue. Not learning the lesson, the Section 8 slumlord next door laid river rocks down in the back of his duplex. My goodness this idiocracy can’t be faked.

Ghetto driveway...

Urban Predator Needed

noreply@blogger.com (The I.I.) — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 11:00:00 +0000

1^st Up: Urban Predator Proposal

Every day this blogger takes Amelia, the dog, for a two mile walk. It starts at the house, and we head south on Irving all the way down to North High. We walk to the end of North High, turn, go around the building, and turn again and head up Knox. We then walk through North Commons Park, where it empties us out on to James. We then take James through Cottage Park and then veer off to Ilion. We walk down Ilion to Glengale Park and then turn right on to Irving.

These walks are generally quite enjoyable and relatively thug free. However, one does notice certain characteristics of North Minneapolis that are quite detestable, yet easily fixed. What am I talking about? I’m talking about the morbid infestation of crows and especially squirrels. They’re everywhere, and they’re running amok. They have no predators, and as a result there are more squirrels in the hood than people.

So let’s introduce someone that has a taste for vermin. Let’s introduce the Great Horned Owl into NoMi. They’re native to this region of North America, and they eat squirrels. They could nest in one of the many trees or exposed and abandoned properties in tornado alley.

The Great Horned Owl, please move to NoMi.

Jerk Du Jour: Rampaging Squirrels

Notice how the garbage bins have nibble holes in them? Sometimes its crows, but it’s usually squirrels. I’ve seen the little bullocks behind my house having their way with my trash bins.

They also like to feast on the trash the thugs leave around. Thanks for that, thugs. Then when they’re done stuffing themselves, they frolic around all over the place and have their squirrel mating rituals. Gosh, having a natural predator around to thin the herd would sure be nice.

Squirrels in the streets just like thugs.

Like chips, you can never have only one squirrel.

They look like they're having fun.

Climbing up and down any vertical surface.

The courtship that will lead to more squirrels. Because we don't have enough already.

Great Bonfire

noreply@blogger.com (The I.I.) — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 01:52:00 +0000

Great Bonfire

Sometimes you just want to sit around a blazing flame. Last night was one such evening. There isn’t a whole lot to say, except that there’s something holistic about the fire. It’s a great way to clear your head and bond with friends.

Nothing like a blazing fire on a cold autumn night.

Good Sport's Sanitation Issues

noreply@blogger.com (The I.I.) — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 12:00:00 +0000

1^st Up: That NoMi Bar at 200 W. Broadway

If you’re a local to North Minneapolis or someone that exits off of I-94 at Broadway to head east, chances are you’ve driven past 200 West Broadway. That address is presently inhabited by the local dive known as Good Sports. And if you’ve been around the area long enough, you’d know that this address has a tarnished past. And the way things are going we can add tarnishing present to the lexicon.

Not sure if this place lives up to its name... Read on and then decide.

Good Sports used to be Johnny A’s, and was known for its drug deals in the kitchen and other below board activities. But don’t take my word for it. Please, check out these reputable historical references.

Scooter’s Bars: Johnny A’s 200 Club

The Adventures of Johnny Northside

StarTribune.com

Get the picture? Johnny A’s was a crime laced dive. Good Sports on the other hand, perhaps less overtly so, but definitely a dive and I’ll explain momentarily. Well, a little humor goes a long way to making a point. Here’s a video I found of a guy that walks into a fictitious dive bar; patronized by thugs, offers lousy food, is way too loud, and the bartender is an obvious crook. Whew… This hits close to home.

Back to Good Sports; I don’t know the extent of the shenanigans there, but I do know this. Several of the TV’s don’t work, those that do are clearly dated and blurry, the liquor is overpriced when compared to the competition on the other side of the river, and there are some major sanitation issues in the men’s room.

Jerk Du Jour: Good Sports Bar Owner, Mike

Most of us North Minneapolis socialites—there’s only about 10 of us—have frequented Good Sports a lot over the past year and a half. This blogger must have dropped well over a grand in the joint during that time. Trust me, it’s easy to do.

So when you notice that the urinal in the men’s room is broken and doesn’t flush properly, what do you do? You inform the owner that just so happens to be working behind the bar. That was fall of 2010. Since then, Mike has been reminded of his sanitation problem numerous times. There was always some bullshit excuse for not fixing the urinal. So finally, things came to a head—no pun intended—a few weeks ago. The urinal now overflows when flushed. That means when you go to the restroom, you’re standing in a pool of piss on the floor. If there is no pool, it’s because it dried up. I had the misfortune of observing my own piss rise up and spill over the mouth of the urinal onto the floor like the raging waters of the Red River in Fargo during spring flooding. Fucking gross!!

Just to get this picture, I got my feet wet.

I informed Mike of the urinal problem again, but this time I showed him the same photo you see above. He flipped out. The man totally lost it. He said something about how I was the only one that cares and that I should stop coming to Good Sports. He was yelling and shouting at me, in the presence of other customers and my friends. Attempts to calm him down didn’t work. So I politely informed the bartender that this was the last time I would be patronizing Good Sports, and I tipped him well.

The cold water doesn't work. Note the soap scum; lack of cleaning.

That urine is stepped in every time a guy goes to do his business. That means that every time a guy leaves the restroom, he’s tracking nature’s contribution all across the floor of the restaurant. All things considered, you may want to throw away the two second rule. Since I’m the only one that cares about the pee-pee pond in the men’s room, I’m sure nobody would mind if I went ahead and contacted the city and informed them of the health code violations at Good Sports. Stay tuned for their findings in the next several weeks. Seriously Mike, fuck you for refusing to fix the most essential piece of equipment at your bar.

Good Sport’s owner, Mike… Today’s Jerk Du Jour!!

Slumlord, Steven Meldahl; Former Property Demolished!

noreply@blogger.com (The I.I.) — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 01:57:00 +0000

Slumlord, Steven Meldahl; Former Property Demolished!

Finally! After seven years of rotting in the neighborhood, the pestilence that was 1511 22^nd Avenue North gets reduced to the elements from which it came. Slumlord, Steven Meldahl used to own this property. “Used to” meaning that he never bothered to pay the 5-digits worth of VBR and property tax fees that had built up over the years. Eventually the municipality got the balls to take it away from him.

This is a personal victory for me too! I’ve had to look at that piece of shit every time I peered outside one of my front windows or whenever I walked out the front door. My gentle prods of our CM, Don Samuels, have yielded results and finally the former crack house that was burned from the inside out, is no more. Please, watch the video below and enjoy.

Witnessing the destruction of this dump was one of the happiest experiences in my life. I suppose one could say I have Lafawnduh Syndrome—I don’t know if I spelled that right, but I’m sure someone will let me know if I didn’t—but what it’s actually is Steven Meldahl Syndrome. This blogger isn’t just celebrating, he’s fucking rejoicing! Please, review some of this blogger’s past postings on Meldahl for a refresher. I look forward to your comments. Cheers!

Previous postings on Meldahl:

Steven Meldahl Makes a Decision

Slumlord, Steven Meldahl's Property Tax Evasion
Slumlord Sonatica by Steven Meldahl
Meldahl Medley Home Tour, Part 4
Meldahl Medley Home Tour, Part 3
Meldahl Medley Home Tour, Part 2
Meldahl Medley Home Tour, Part 1
Get to Know Minneapolis Slumlord, Steven Meldahl

Summer Movie to Skip

noreply@blogger.com (The I.I.) — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 11:00:00 +0000

Summer Movie to Skip

This really has nothing to do with NoMi. This posting is about my whimsical desire for cheap entertainment. I’ve seen all of the super hero reboot movies that came out this year. My expectations were low, therefore I was not disappointed. That is, I was not disappointed until I saw Transformers 3.

It was a movie with hours of fighting, explosions, and collateral damage. The acting was worse than Don Allen’s spelling. The plot development was shittier than JACC’s strategic planning. And the ending was so unbelievably lame I could barely believe it.

All of the Transformers movies have been directed by Michael Bay. There’s a certain consistency to Michael Bay movies. Beyond the fact that they all suck more than a Hoover or a Penn Avenue hooker, they’re almost all completely special effects driven.

Seriously, this movie was so bad that I fell asleep during one of the never ending fight scenes. And to top it off, my date also fell asleep. My friend Jeff, a.k.a. the Hawthorne Hawkman, showed me this YouTube clip after I told him how bad Transformers was. I laughed so hard, I cried.

River of Ilion

noreply@blogger.com (The I.I.) — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 01:30:00 +0000

River of Ilion

Remember last week when it was hotter than Hades? One of those days it was 100+ out with brutal humidity. I was walking up Irving past Glengale Park and what do I see? A river of water pooling at the end of the park from a river of water flowing downhill from Illion.

WTF?

Naturally curious we—that’s me and the dog now—walked up the hill on Ilion. The flowing water gradually got wider and quicker.

Those rapids are just about kayak ready.

Ah but of course! An annual tradition here in the ghetto; when it gets too damn hot the fire hydrants must be opened. Of course the waste is incredible and I’m sure it’s illegal, but when has that ever stopped the darling angels of Dawgsville—North Minneapolis—from doing what they want.

Big D cooling off NoMi style.

Public water works at it's finest.

As for the fire hydrant, I don’t particularly give a shit if it’s illegal or not. Let’s file that one under “Not My Problem”, a file folder that’s getting really big. If I had the time I would have gone back and joined my neighbor, Big D, in the water party. Good times.

Wish I could have gone in...

Guess Who?

noreply@blogger.com (The I.I.) — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 22:23:00 +0000

1^st Up: Status Update

Hello readers! It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged, obviously. This blogger—perhaps infrequently—has been busy focusing on more important things than this. However, I’ve been walking around the neighborhood a lot and I’ve seen things. Finally, I feel like blogging again. So let’s get on with it!

On Deck: New Partner in Crime

This is Amelia. She’s a charming little Border Collie mixed with Jack Russell. Every day, literally every day, I get compliments on the cuteness of my dog. I’ve had her for about a month now and she’s doing great. Most of what I’ve got to say comes from my observations while walking the dog. Stay tuned for more.

Graffiti Gangs

noreply@blogger.com (The I.I.) — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 11:30:00 +0000

1^st Up: About Graffiti in NoMi

As you all know, a bunch of us are sick of the graffiti problem around here. Responses to 3-1-1 have been spotty at best. They’ll respond to somebody’s house being tagged, but the city will just sit on signs and walls. Stay tuned for more on this subject.

On Deck: Black Stone Losing the Tug-a-War

I was leaving for work one day and I see this… Naturally, I took this photo and 3-1-1’d it immediately.

Round 1... Fight!!

Arriving back home, and what do my eyes show me. The same shed abated on one side with fresh paint and retagged on the other side. So I 3-1-1’d it again. It was abated the next day, and I think those tagging hoodlums got the message and accepted their defeat at the 2211 Irving shed.

Can't you guys take a hint?

Later that day I took a walk down the same alley. Looks like these guys have been busy; they tagged a few more garages down the alley.

Annoying, like an itch you can't scratch.

Black Stone, drawing on garages since 2011 and accomplishing nothing. (sarcasm font)

It was time to erase these guys en mass. We sent one of our graffiti abatement teams over there and they took care of it.

Jerk Du Jour: Paul Zee and the Hesh Crew… Again

The infestation of their crap is everywhere. It’s insidious and obnoxious. You can’t go anywhere in NoMi, or South, or Nordeast, or SE, without running into their graffiti stick drawn, no talent garbage.

The fence right outside of Good Sports.

These guys are so flagrant; they actually post movies up on You Tube showing off their illegal defacements.

Paul Zee… Today’s Jerk Du Jour! Again!

TMJ Nails

noreply@blogger.com (The I.I.) — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 00:28:00 +0000

TMJ Nails = Trash Massing Jimmy Nails

Several weeks ago before, the weekend before NoMi would have its ass handed to it by the Great Twister of 2011; we in Jordan had a nice and successful Clean Sweep event. As the guy responsible for making sure everything happened as designed, I made sure to get everyone into their teams, supplied, and out the door with a clear mission. When the last straggler arrived, I assigned myself to garbage truck duty. I thought it was going to suck; turned out to be a hell of a lot of fun.

My Clean Sweep chariot awaits to be loaded with 14,000 lbs of your garbage!

We made our rounds through Jordan, and on our way back to the ranch we went through the alleys paralleling Broadway. Then we pull up to this…

Broken fence and siding just lying there.

You can't store debris here.

More piles of trash, broken fencing, and an illegal dumpster that's illegally locked.

Note the lack of windows in the back.

Ah yes, this reminds me of 2207 Irving.

That electrical is so ghetto engineered, no way it could be legal.

Really? You want people to park in the rear and see that mess?

Probably just a front for drug deals.

Let me just dump a big ass piece of siding right here on top of a pile of debris.

Thuggery at its… day-to-day standard operating procedure, but worse. My trash collecting partner—who happens to be so nice and proper that you can see the golden halo twinkling over her head—was so agitated by the site that her language quickly descended into something reminiscent of a drunken dock worker with anger management issues. I already talk like that in my daily speech, so we were simply on the same page at that point.

Naturally we 3-1-1’d the site. After moving on, a half dozen of über baggy pant wearing thugs came out and stared at us as we rode away in our chariot of nastiness. Arriving back at the ranch, we ran into Mr. Samuels and immediately ran the issue right up the flag pole.

Don Samuels, make it happen!

Dear Don Samuels, we have an unauthorized garbage dump in our neighborhood. Please close them down. Oh yea, can you get the building torn down too? It looks like shit. It’s not as if the neighborhood is going to miss this place. We still have like 37 more hair and nail joints all up and down Broadway, just say’n.

Vigilantes After Dusk

noreply@blogger.com (The I.I.) — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 01:15:00 +0000

1^st Up: Abating the Hesh Crew in NoMi

This blogger was invited by a Hillside Chronicles blogger to partake in some late night vigilante, graffiti abatement. I humbly accepted. Considering how recent exploits have involved sign spam removal with both NxNs and Hillside Chronicles bloggers, intimidating the thugs next door into moving out, and upsetting some very sensitive people; I figured, why not?

We hit the main drags of Broadway and Plymouth. Graffiti from some guy, Paul Zee and the Hesh Crew had infested just about every pole and mettle surface on either side of both streets. No worries… We abated that shit. Apparently 311 calls have been piling up for months with no action by the city. Your welcome City of Minneapolis, we did your jobs for you free of charge.

Check out the video of our exploits…

Jerk Du Jour: Paul Zee

Hey Paul Zee! What you do isn’t art. It doesn’t even intimidate. I can’t believe the balls this guy has. Tagging just outside the fourth precinct and the Minneapolis Public Housing Authority?

Just thought you guys should know that there’s a growing number of us that are taking matters into our own hands. Thugs are scared of us while we do our thing, and the cops just drive on by.

Paul Zee… Today’s Jerk Du Jour!

Tornado Disaster in North Minneapolis

noreply@blogger.com (The I.I.) — Mon, 23 May 2011 01:46:00 +0000

Tornado Disaster in North Minneapolis

Good evening everyone. As I’m sure you are already aware, huge swaths of North Minneapolis were devastated today by a massive tornado. It measured a quarter mile wide by five miles long. The WHO neighborhood had fallen trees everywhere. Broadway and Penn were decimated, only to have looters come through and pillage the BLO liquor store afterwards. Emergency services personnel showed up to take things in hand, but there was simply too much widespread damage to take the situation completely in hand. Another touchdown occurred on 29^th and Logan, which lead to damage being caused in multiple gas mains in the area. WHO, Jordan, Cleveland, and McKinley were all severely impacted by this cataclysmic event.

This blogger has friends, whose homes were severely damaged by today’s catastrophe. My heart goes out to all of you.

That being said, the city of Minneapolis has issued a curfew decree in our immediate area. The thought of curfews rolling around my head, along with the sound of a helicopter in the sky as I write this only seems to conjure up images of Schindler’s List and the Warsaw ghetto. Hyperbole, perhaps, but unsettling none the less. See the information posted below, this is from the city.

Emergency response continues – North Side curfew begins at 9 p.m.

May 22, 2011 (MINNEAPOLIS) As Emergency responders continue to work the scene and assist people affected by this afternoon’s tornado, the City is instituting a curfew for a section of the North Side beginning at 9 p.m.

“Our number one concern is for the health and safety of our residents,” said Mayor R.T. Rybak. “Emergency responders have been working hard on the scene, going door to door to check on the well-being of folks in this area. The Council President and I were able to view the damage from a helicopter. We don’t have a full damage assessment at this time, but clearly many homes and business have had major damage.”

“We know this is a very difficult situation, but we need people to help us keep these neighborhoods safe,” said Police Chief Tim Dolan. “We will have extra patrols out through the night, and it’s important that people in this area observe the curfew tonight—with so much damage and power outages in the area, staying inside is the best way to stay safe.”

The latest updates are below:

Local emergency - Mayor R.T. Rybak has declared a Local Emergency, and the Minneapolis Emergency Operations Center is open.
Curfew - A curfew will be in place from 9 p.m. to 6 a.m. within the following boundaries: Penn Avenue to Interstate 94, from Dowling Avenue to Plymouth Avenue. For their safety, during this time, people in this area must stay in their homes. Minneapolis Police will have extra patrols in the neighborhoods to protect public safety.
Fatality and injuries - The Hennepin County Medical Examiner has confirmed one fatality related to the tornado, and an additional 29 people have been transported to area hospitals. Of those patients, two have critical injuries, 12 have moderate injuries, and 15 have minor injuries.

Shelter - A shelter for people affected is open at the Northeast Armory at 1025 Broadway St. NE (just east of Broadway and Central.)

Checking on loved ones - A Family Assistance Center is also open at the Northeast Armory at 1025 Broadway St. NE. Family who want to check on loved ones should not go to the neighborhood, but instead should go to the center or call 651-268-8537.
Public schools - Minneapolis Public Schools are expected to be open as scheduled tomorrow. If this changes, the District will communicate directly with the affected families.

Debris clearing - Minneapolis Public Works crews are working with Hennepin County and Minneapolis Park and Recreation Board crews to clear North Side streets of debris.
Damage assessment - City of Minneapolis building inspectors are in the area assessing the damage and will work through the night.
Traffic control - Traffic Control agents have been deployed to manage traffic where it is most needed.
311 - Minneapolis 311 will be open until 9 p.m. tonight for NON-EMERGENCY calls about storm debris. Emergency calls should still go to 911.
Gas leaks - The public should call 911 immediately to report any gas leaks and stay away from the area of the leak.

Rapture This!

noreply@blogger.com (The I.I.) — Sat, 21 May 2011 19:50:00 +0000

1^st Up: I’m back!

It would appear that somebody missed me while I was away from the blogosphere. One day a while back, somebody sent me a message saying something to the effect that I should post something just to show that I’m not fazed about that court case between Jerry Moore and John Hoff. True, I’ve barely given that circus show much thought to be honest. Good ol’ Jimmy Watkins, who writes on his visually plagiaristic blog, the Anti-Johnny, has been speculating that the Irving Inquisition hasn’t been blogging because of fear over being sued. Not a shred of truth there, you want to know why?

In the past three months, this blogger has been busy, very busy… So busy in fact, that blogging has ceased to be the priority it once was. I’ve completed a major home renovation project, was host to the 100 Year House Party—my house—now known as the Swan House, where just about every local of consequence attended, refocused to live a much healthier lifestyle and lost 40lbs, lead the extremely successful Jordan Clean Sweep project, furthering my studies in graduate school and getting straight A’s, and catapulted my career with an awesome new job, and basically solidifying myself as a leader of consequence in my community. I haven’t even had the time to even keep up with reading other peoples’ blogs. Who else out there can pull it out of the fire and generate those kinds of retina detaching results? I’d like to meet anybody who can and has.

Alas, it’s time to dust of this blog and stick my proverbial megaphone into the cyber air and tell you all how it really is. Moving on…

On Deck: Some Things Never Change

Oh God or Jesus, or whoever, will you please send your quaint little Rapture over to 2207 Irving and smite the chronic litterers that threaten to dirty up the neighborhood I just worked my friggin’ ass off to clean up?

Here we go again...

This picture is from Friday morning. Trash gets picked up on Wednesdays, and the thugs living here have already created another Mount Trashmore. Considering that there’s at least one or two 911 calls on this house every month, yes I’ve done some homework on this bunch, that and the brand new Audi A6 and cadre of Cadillacs raise suspicion. This is Section 8 housing after all. That’s right ladies and gentlemen; YOU are financing my neighbors’ thrash throwing and drug dealing lifestyles with your tax money. Oh yeah, this is the part where one my critics will chime in and call me a racist or something like that. The predictability of this depravity bores me.

Jerk Du Jour: The Rapture Fanatics

I’m not a Christian… Actually, I’m not an anything. Therefore the bible thumpers’ Rapture doesn’t apply to me. But I’m sure it must affect everybody else. How is the end of the world coming along? Oh wait a minute, let’s see how the end of days is proceeding in Asia and Europe where the deadline has come and gone… Hang on, I’ll be right back.

Not actually the end of the world, it's just downtown Detroit.

I’m back… Looks like the rest of the world is still there, wow, what a shock. All this end of days Rapture stuff is just a bunch of religious crap. Stories that primitives made up to explain why the sun goes down at night.

Children Shot At - Farview Park

noreply@blogger.com (The I.I.) — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 05:47:00 +0000

Children Shot At -- Farview Park

Three or four days ago, my friend's nephew and his friends were threatened by an Asian gang of approximately twenty gangsters at the bus stop on 29th and Dupont Avenue North.

Fast forward to about 10pm this evening. My friend's nephew had just finished playing basketball at the Farview rec center. As they were leaving, four members of the fore mentioned gang approached them; one of the gangsters was armed with a gun. Human instinct took over, my friend's nephew and his friends froze. That is until the armed gangster started shooting at the group of friends.

My friend's nephew and friends bolted away for dear life. They ran the long away around the park to avoid being followed back home. Once hearing about the terrifying incident, my friend called the MPD. Over the course of the 911 call, my friend specifically asked MPD to come to his home on the east side of Farview Park to take a statement.

How did MPD respond to my friend's emergency call? They told him that because the shooting incident occurred in the park, and therefore he needed to call park police instead. That statement in of itself is unbelievable, but the next part will knock your socks off. When my friend called the park police, they told him to call back after 8 o'clock in the morning because they were closed. So he called MPD back at 911 and they finally agreed to send somebody over.

Finally a squad car pulled up to the house. Just as my friend walked out the front door to go speak with the officer, the squad car pulled away. My friend called back two more times, only to be rebuffed with comments of the police being too busy.

I arrived at my friend's house, not knowing about any of this. He told me the whole story about what happened. At this point, the wait time for a police response had exceeded an hour. Just to put things into perspective here, the police response time in this case for children being shot at is completely unacceptable. If you can't count on the cops to protect you, what are you going to do?

The next step is to call the guy that's known for getting things done. I called Don Samuels around 11:45pm and woke the poor guy up. He was groggy, so I shared the story with him as clear and concise as possible. Unfortunately there wasn't much he could do at that particular point in time, as the Minneapolis political machine is closed Friday late nights. In addition to that, Farview Park is in Hawthorne, which is Diane Hofstede's ward. It would be logical to contact Ms. Hofstede next, seeing as it is her ward anyway. I asked Samuels for Hofstede's contact information. He informed me that she was away in Europe.

After three phone calls to the police, and hours of waiting, the police finally arrive at 12:22am as this blogger was composing this very post. The officer recorded my friend's nephew's statement in a professional manner. That part is fine, but I think the whole point about tonight's story is that when residents call the police to ask for help because their own family members are being shot at; a sense of urgency is implied.

Everyone be on the lookout for a heavily armed, trigger happy gangsters, shooting at people around Farview Park. That being said, don't expect much help from the police. Their response time this evening was about an hour and a half.

WBC Membership Drive

noreply@blogger.com (The I.I.) — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 12:47:00 +0000

WBC Membership Drive

Last week, this blogger attended a breakfast meeting for West Broadway Coalition’s drive to bolster its membership. The meeting was held at our local YMCA, and as it turned out, it was a great networking opportunity for all of the various groups and organizations being represented there.

I believe this well dressed gentleman is with the city, can't remember his name though.

This particular meeting was orchestrated in a way that I had never seen at a north side meeting before. It actually started and ended on time. That’s a first for me. However, just because the meeting ended on time, didn’t mean that a bunch of us were chatting and palm-pressing afterwards. It wasn’t until about 11:30 before I got out of there.

WBC President, Jackie Cherryhomes

The meeting itself was drama free. This of course was in stark contrast to the L3SO meeting that would be held several days later. Only one person in the audience made a ripple, and even that may be an over statement. This person asked the board President, Jackie Cherryhomes, if somebody could apply for a grant to get the $150 that it costs to become a member of WBC. Fortunately, Cherryhomes didn’t hesitate to dismiss that question with a quick “No” before moving on.

Don Samuels, you already know who he is. :)

While this event was a fund raiser in nature, this blogger was able to see that this was more of a networking opportunity. As it turned out, I spent as much time recruiting for the Jordan flock as I did talking about West Broadway. Good times.

I didn't catch this woman's name, however, I did find her to be an effective speaker.

Bring Your Passport

noreply@blogger.com (The I.I.) — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 15:17:00 +0000

Bring Your Passport

Being a city slicker has its advantages, especially if you live in the city. Incidentally, being a city slicker has its definite disadvantages. Most notably these disadvantages become apparent when said city slickers LEAVE the city and go out into the country. Considering that, this blogger generally doesn’t like to leave the city unless flying to another city, preferably a bigger one.

Living in the North Minneapolis hood for so many years has allowed this blogger to forget what it’s like to interact—try to at any rate—with authentic Lutheran, Scandi-German, Country Bumpkins, Hilljacks, Hucklebucks, Shit-kickers, Hicks, Rednecks, and Townies. And while I’m sure a number of you that just read that last statement are probably clamoring to write some nasty comment because I just insulted your heritage, let me put things in context first.

Several weeks ago, this blogger allowed his arm to be twisted by some pretty chica into going to see some no-name band, Section 30. Ok, that’s fine, I guess. “Where are they performing?” I asked. “At some hole in Monticello.” she replies. “Monticello? Where the fuck is that?” “Half way to St. Cloud up on 94.” Against my better judgment we embark on a journey to Monticello to see Section 30 because my friend knows somebody, who knows somebody, that’s friends with the band.

Section 30 getting warmed up to perform.

At last, we arrived at our bar in the lovely BFE town of Monticello. Go inside and it looks like a cross between a dance club and a VFW. 80’s style blue carpeting everywhere, long tables reminiscent of Buffalo Wild Wings scattered around, and stools. All the seats were already full, even though we arrived twenty minutes early. No worries, we’ll go sit at the bar.

From where we sat, we had a view of the band on stage, as well as a good view of the locals. This was an excellent people watching scenario. We quickly realized how much we stuck out. City slickers have a certain sort of burned-out look to them, probably comes from living fast and hard. These townies, on the other hand, appeared to be relaxed and rested in comparison. Another strange observation, they were all wearing the same clothes. Not exactly the same, the guys were wearing plaid flannel shirts of slightly varying colors. And the women wore varying outfits reminiscent of early 90’s Hollywood Boulevard hookers. That and everybody was basically 25 and younger.

What the hell was this, a high school reunion? The interaction was fascinating to observe. Easily over a hundred people, all talking to each other as if they’ve known each other forever. This would never happen in Minneapolis, ever. Naturally, the people around us were doing the same. We tried to startup conversations with them, but our attempts to communicate with the locals were reciprocated with a very icy, cold shoulder treatment. We were strangers, not a part of the click, therefore not to be spoken to.

The band played all of their two songs, and then played Matchbox 20, Bon Jovi, and Journey songs after that. They seemed more like a group of people doing karaoke than a band doing its own thing. We even noticed how they played a few of their songs more than once. Seriously? What the hell is that?

"She's just a small town girl, living in a lonely world..." Shoot me right now!

Three hours later, we had enjoyed wonderful conversation amongst ourselves. Wasn’t able to break the ice with our Monticellan friends, unfortunately; and finally decided to leave. As we left the building, I couldn’t help but notice that my car was the only foreign car I could see in the parking lot. While that’s not necessarily a bad thing—yes it is—it does reflect upon the local culture somewhat. That, and the ratio of Chevy Silverado pickup trucks to everything else was stunning. Ah yes, I had forgotten… All men in rural areas must own a truck. Failing to do so results in being ostracized by your peers, and ignored by the opposite sex.

The trip home was dominated with conversations of being thankful for living in the city, being able to enjoy variety, and of course the anonymity. This eye opening experience helps to give perspective on what happens to people if they become siloed, or have a homogenous culture. I think that’s something we do a lot of around here, even in NoMi. The white T’s and pants falling down, the boom cars, and the loitering; these are examples of the exact same thing as what I was just blasting in Tea-Party country.

So if you plan to leave one silo and go to another, be prepared for a few surprises from the locals at wherever it is you’re going. Don’t forget to bring your passport.

Wilde Roast Café

noreply@blogger.com (The I.I.) — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 14:15:00 +0000

Wilde Roast Café

Last week we were driving around looking for Brasa in NE Minneapolis. Right before spotting that old standby, we spied the Wilde Roast Café. Admittedly, I’ve always been curious about the place, so we stopped in for lunch.

Nice counter, the award to the left looks promising.

Je regarde le menu.

Nice touch with the hutch in the middle.

While being a restaurant, this place has more of a coffee shop feel to it based on how it’s laid out. This looks like a pretty cool place, right? Agreed, it is a cool place to hang out and drink coffee, tea, or wine. The food on the other hand…

I ordered this Thai chicken wrap. It looks appetizing enough, and the salad on the side appears to be user friendly. Take a bite and go on a journey to the Utah Salt Flats. This wrap was so salty it was rendered inedible. I didn’t think it possible, but this was even saltier than Mac’s Industrial or Victory 44. Perhaps the salad would compensate? Nope. They salted that too. I sent it back, wasn’t in the mood to eat dangerous food that day.

Enough salt in here to kill a small child.

The barista apologized profusely about the bad wrap. Then he said that the wraps at Wilde Roast weren’t very good. Really? Who would have known? I don’t know, maybe if there’s something you do a shitty job making at your restaurant, perhaps you should take it off the menu? I still needed something to eat, and he suggested the chicken sandwich.

Safer to eat, but nothing special.

12 minutes later and out comes my chicken sandwich. The sandwich wasn’t bad. It was a bit pricy and somewhat pedestrian, but not bad. I felt better about my experience because they didn’t charge me for the sandwich after the wrap fiasco. While I was pleased with the level of customer service I got, the dining experience was a real drag. Still, I would come back for coffee or tea.

Where Has the I.I. Been?

noreply@blogger.com (The I.I.) — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 11:00:00 +0000

Where Has the I.I. Been?

Why working on home improvement projects, of course. Owning a hundred year old money pit means you’ve got to constantly be working on fixing the bloody thing up. Over the past couple weeks, this blogger set blogging aside in favor of working on the home front.

A blank wall right. Well, it's hiding 3 layers of wallpaper underneath.

Not to say that I don’t care about the Hoff vs. Moore trial and its verdict, or the crazy psychopaths on those blogs that are dedicated to bad mouthing JNS, NxNS, and on occasion myself. It’s just that sometimes there are more important things to take care of.

Work in progress...

Because let’s face it. Any reasonable person with any grasp of the law knows that the $60,000 verdict is going to get overturned. The irony in all of this is this; The Adventures of Johnny Northside blog has more influence than it ever had before. Why? With all the publicity, Hoff has become a household name. Friends and relatives from all over read about the trial and asked me, “Do you know about that blogger guy Johnny…” and I cut them off and say “Oh yeah, I know the guy personally. About time you guys started noticing North Minneapolis blogs.”

This is very messy work.

But alas, I’ve got three layers of wallpaper to remove to get to those plaster walls. And to me, that’s more important than frivolous lawsuits, destitute plaintiffs, their legal counsel, and their cheerleader blogger buddies.

Another Source for Restoring Your NoMi Home

noreply@blogger.com (The I.I.) — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 23:00:00 +0000

Another Source for Restoring Your NoMi Home

You'll be looking for this sign.

Drive east down Broadway in Nordeast and turn onto Quincy Avenue NE. Make sure to be driving your Land Rover or Humvee, because this street is so dilapidated and treacherous, you’re likely to break an axel after the first twenty yards. Soldier on through lakes of mud water and moonscape until you reach Architectural Antiques.

Lake effect on Quincy is coming from Mt. Snowmore. That is not a normal hill.

Once you go inside, you’ll be bombarded my all things old; salvaged from properties less fortunate than mine or my north side compatriots. Behold the treasure-trove and get ready to empty your wallet, because these things ain’t cheap. Never the less, I found Architectural Antiques to have better stock than Bauer Brothers, and is considerably closer to NoMi than Arts and Architecture.

Looks just like my cabinets.

Back in the warehouse.

This is a very odd looking, old, light fixture.

Nice touch with the Gothic glass work.

Do they have enough light fixtures?

In case you were thinking "no" to the last question...

For the kitchen...

I think I just stumbled onto a gold mine.

They even have the ornamental stuff.

Need a door knob or handle?

Look at the size of that thing!

The most interesting menagerie of old stuff I've ever seen.

Beveled glass in the door, gotta love it!

Somebody I know has this exact same fixture... Who could it be?

Need a fireplace mantle?

This buffet is in beautiful condition.

Ahh! I must have one of these for myself!

The All New Avenue Eatery

noreply@blogger.com (The I.I.) — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 18:40:00 +0000

The All New Avenue Eatery

As many of you know, the Bean Scene Too closed down a while back. Not surprising really, they made every error in the coffee shop business you could make. They didn’t open until 7am, (too late if you’re commuting) lack of food, slow service, lousy espresso, and all round poorly managed.

Catalyst took over the joint, did some remodeling, and slapped on a new name. Tah-dah! Welcome to the Avenue Eatery.

Simple but elegant design.

This blogger went there the other day and was pleasantly surprised. The standard fair of beverages was available, plenty of food options, dramatically more seating than before, and lovely art by M. Garcia.

Indeed, the art is for sale.

I had a brief conversation with the general manager about the new shop; she shared with me that there’s been quite a bit of enthusiasm for the new shop and business has been good. That being said, time will tell how things pan out for the newly re-minted business, but this blogger is optimistic.

Note all of the available seating.

Renovation by Habitat

noreply@blogger.com (The I.I.) — Sat, 12 Mar 2011 13:00:00 +0000

Renovation by Habitat

I’m pleased to see that Habitat for Humanity is working on the 2200 Irving house. You may recall this particular property was an arson house on Skid Row. Not anymore. Most of Skid Row has been demolished, and this house is undergoing extensive renovations.

The old roof has been removed.

The other day they removed the roof and replaced it with a new one. Peering inside from a distance, it’s obvious they gutted the property down to the studs. This of course makes sense, considering what this property has been through.

You can see where the fire was; work in progress.

It’s truly exciting to see work like this going on. This house should be ready by the summer for a new family to purchase it.

A lot happening here.

Single Bridge to the Other Side

noreply@blogger.com (The I.I.) — Sat, 12 Mar 2011 01:30:00 +0000

1^st Up: Single Bridge to the Other Side

Should you find yourself needing to cross the river over to Northeast Minneapolis, brace yourself and plan ahead. Broadway is the only way across thanks to the Lowry and Plymouth Avenue bridges being closed simultaneously.

Brake lights as far as the eye can see.

Traffic lines like this are the standard now, not the exception. Don’t expect to make good time in either direction. We could look at the bright side of this. At least there will be a cute little bike path for the Lowry Bridge… That’s if they ever get the thing built before the end of days.

Jerk Du Jour: Minneapolis Moonscape

What the fuck is this shit? I pay all kinds of taxes so the city can fix the streets. The moment your vehicle enters this municipality, your suspension is assaulted by waves and waves of craterous potholes. Random splits in the roads appear as if an L.A. earthquake tore the streets open.

You can go fishing in those puddles.

This street needs a new street.

On the flip side of the coin, the moment you leave this municipality, your vehicle drives as it was designed to. You know? On a paved street!! I’m not about to run out and buy a Humvee just so I can have the esteemed honor of driving down Washington or 26^th Avenue. Come on Minneapolis, get your shit together and fix the streets.

Minneapolis Moonscape… Today’s Jerk Du Jour.

Future Site of Minneapolis Public Schools HQ

noreply@blogger.com (The I.I.) — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 18:14:00 +0000

Future Site of Minneapolis Public Schools HQ

There’s a lot of hustle and bustle between Broadway and 22^nd, Freemont and Girard. The toiling and drilling are constant, Monday through Friday. This blogger resides a few short blocks away… I can hear it while my fingers prance across the keyboard composing this post.

I wanted to see how things were coming along. So here’s the progress so far, enjoy!

Porto-potty, proof that somebody is in fact here.

That thing behind the dozer goes up and down all day long.

Stuff getting moved around.

Rubble from the demolition of the previous structure.

Are you having fun yet?

This looks like Kosovo during the Bosnian civil war, but it's not, it's just construction.

I love cranes.

Gate #2 here, it appears as if there are six entrances to this site.

The boss hangs out in one of these.