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Tuesday, August 31, 2010
A Story About the Sacrifice
1:37 AM | 
Posted by
The I.I. |
This blog thread posted by the Irving Inquisition uses some explicit language, as well as depicting some aspects of life in North Minneapolis that some readers may find objectionable. Reader discretion is advised.
1st Up: The Sacrifice
These were troubled times for the residents of NoMi. Homicide, burglary, prostitution, and thuggery in general; choked the communities of North Minneapolis. The stalwart revitalizers had their backs to the wall and they needed help.
Facing insurmountable odds, they stayed the course. The course of renovation, cleaning up trash, tearing down SPAM signage, boarding up vacant properties, 311-ing code infractions, and 911-ing criminal behavior. Yet, good deeds weren’t enough. The NoMi gods of revitalization were angry. They demanded a sacrifice to satiate their rage caused by slumlord neglect and criminal thuggery. The traditional sacrifices of food and virgins weren’t going to be enough—the gods don’t like junk food and there aren’t any virgins left—to please the gods.
It was decided… The care free days of thuggery were to be marred by darkening clouds. The clouds brought forth the wrath of the NoMi gods. At last, the sacrifice of DEX phonebooks into the pit of fire was enough to please NoMi revitalization gods of War and Brimstone.
The bulging black clouds would burst, and the heavens rained fiery sulfur of 311 and 911 calls upon the locust like plague of thugs and their slumlord enablers. Raiding SWAT teams, blessed by the benediction of the NoMi gods in the form of community provided intelligence went on to smite unsuspecting thugs where they stood. Never before and never again would such a spree of arrests take place.
Free to continue revitalizing unhindered, strengthening of the communities in NoMi was able to resume once more. Progress was made towards lifting the community into ascendancy. And then progress begot more progress. Waste was reduced, more worthless phone books were burnt, and the NoMi revitalization gods of War and Brimstone were pleased.
So goes the legend about the genesis of the gentrified NoMi… Beware thugs and all who enable them. We are coming for YOU.
Jerk Du Jour: Dex Phone Books
Like ants, these things pop-up out of nowhere. The simple act of not knowing they are here allows them to procreate. Apparently these yellow paged things are manmade.
Dex, please STOP dumping your books at every single door. Everything’s on the internet now, and the internet is everywhere. I don’t want your stupid books—we’ll just burn them—and for heaven’s sake neither does the boarded up vacant house you litter at. How about this; you only deliver phone books to people that ASK for them?
Dex Phone Books… Today’s Jerk Du Jour.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Revitalizer's Manifesto: Home Improvement
This blog thread posted by the Irving Inquisition uses some explicit language, as well as depicting some aspects of life in North Minneapolis that some readers may find objectionable. Reader discretion is advised.
1st Up: Fix Up Your Castle
Commandment #1 of the Revitalizer’s Manifesto: Thou shalt fix thy castle!
Making improvements to your home is the obvious and most straight forward means towards revitalization. It also happens to be the most expensive as well. Most of my projects have been infrastructure in nature. The cosmetic stuff gets put on hold until the necessities have all been addressed.
Every year in the summer, I try to get at least one major home improvement project done on the house. This year was a blow out thanks to the Pohlad foundation and their interests in the Glengale Park area of Forest Heights. I got four home improvement projects done this summer. Checkout the video I made.
Jerk Du Jour: 1502 W. Broadway
Somebody actually went through the effort of gathering the garbage, only to dump it in one spot. Another blog had pointed this mess out a while back. Unfortunately, it’s still there so I went ahead and 311’d it.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Level 3 Sex Offender Moved In... Timothy Mark Walton Jr.
This blog thread posted by the Irving Inquisition uses some explicit language, as well as depicting some aspects of life in North Minneapolis that some readers may find objectionable. Reader discretion is advised.
1st Up: Another Friggin’ CHIMO?!?!?
It’s only been two weeks since my last posting about a level three sex offender, and I’m still hung over because of it. Well, unfortunately, here’s another one. (sigh) Timothy Mark Walton Jr.
Timmy’s a North Minneapolis native. He’s part of the reason why our community has a less than desirable reputation. It appears that he’s settled on the 2400 block of James Avenue North. There are a number of upstanding residents living in the immediate vicinity of this person. Please keep your eyes open for this sub-human creature. Should anybody so happen to stumble upon his actual address, please feel free to forward it on to EVERYBODY. Efforts will be made to run this guy out of town.
Why run Walton out? I think the part where he’s fondled and raped boys and girls as young as 3 years old. That’s right; I said 3 years old. That is so incredibly nasty I can’t even comprehend or imagine. Excuse me for a minute; I’m getting sick to my stomach… I think I’m going to…. (Sudden uncontrollable vomiting all over my desk)
Jerk Du Jour: Timothy Mark Walton Jr. (CHIMOS are always immediate J.D.J. on I.I.)
Irving Inquisition doesn’t condone violence—officially—against people. However, CHIMOS are NOT people. They are criminals of the worst kind. Their moldy, rotten hearts don’t pump blood like yours and mine, but rather a black vomitous goo. This goo oozes through their rotten veins, and into their pea sized brains; and that is the cause of the Nazi-assed patterns of behavior.
It’s time for a class action law suit against somebody, and if not, storm the keep with torches and pitch forks. Justice must be served… Tim the CHIMO Walton Junior… Today’s Jerk Du Jour!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
The NoMi Blog Wars
This blog thread posted by the Irving Inquisition uses some explicit language, as well as depicting some aspects of life in North Minneapolis that some readers may find objectionable. Reader discretion is advised.
A Sociological Discussion on the NoMi Blogosphere Turned Hateosphere
I want to talk about this subject quite earnestly. Originally when I started this blog I wanted to use it as a tool to anonymously shame people into doing the right thing. Shaming, in the context of living our lives responsibly amongst each other as members of a larger community. Academically speaking; the behaviors that I have mercilessly blasted in this blog, are considered to be a sub-culture within the greater American culture. This was something I studied at length back in my college days in sociology class. The sub-culture that I’m referring to in this case is the culture of poverty. Generations of Americans spend their entire lives living in this sub-culture, and have no hope to assimilate into mainstream American culture, which dictates normative behavior.
What is normative behavior, and what are some examples? Things like; getting up every day and going to work, paying your bills every month, shaking somebody’s hand when you meet them, and saying “good bye” before you hang up the phone are all examples of normative behavior. The Irving Inquisition blog has been, is, and will continue to be an outlet to shame the sub-culture of poverty into assimilating and behaving like the rest of us. I don’t think any reasonable person wants to live in filth, or sub-standard conditions, or be surrounded by prostitutes, or be witness to gang violence. All that heinous crap is the result of people being the products of their environment, and that mentality can be extinguished over time.
I think this whole business of Johnny vs. Anti-Johnny vs. Anti-Anti-Johnny vs. JHG vs. Don Samuels, etcetera; is going to run its course soon. Why? Collectively, our lives aren’t eventful or interesting enough to continue this indefinitely. Even now, I’m seeing redundant postings where people are essentially saying the same things over and over. Additionally, it seems that the words “hate blog” get thrown around rather carelessly. There’s no doubt there’s no shortage of animosity to go around, but referring to another blog as a “hate blog” and the people posting them as “haters” is quite a descention from reality… Frankly, they’re all “hate blogs.” Yes, I said it. I despise and scorn the glorification of the criminal lifestyle. An opponent would be correct in saying that my choice of words regarding people that engage in anti-social behavior and conduct is hateful. Go for it, don’t let me stop you. On the other hand, encouraging people to vandalize my house—which is the same criminal behavior I was talking about—as a means of getting “even” with me for criticizing thug behavior only serves to harden my resolve. And that barely scratches the surface to what’s being said about Hoff and Goodmundson, as postings continue to escalate by making extremely below the belt comments on their family members, appearances, and vocational status. I find that to be shameless beyond reproach and that needs to stop.
I am an engineer by profession, and as an engineer it’s my job to find solutions to problems. Let me tell you, there’s a solution to every problem. The collateral damage from what people are saying is spilling over into places and on to people that have nothing to do with the controversy that is North Minneapolis. We can fix that, here’s my proposed solution. Let’s all collectively decided to change the conditions of our arguments? Moving forward we talk about our issues with the same passion we’ve always had. The difference will come this way however; instead of blasting our ideological opponents personally, we blast their view points instead. If that change would take place I would appreciate it. We’re not talking about having honor like a dueling pair of gun slingers at dawn, but let’s just leave the deeply personal stuff and family members out of the NoMi Blog Wars.
Oh by the way, JHG, would you like to meet for coffee? Word on the Strasse is that Bean Scene Too is in some financial turmoil. Let’s go over there and talk business. Me and all several dozen of you; the sales should bolster this local business for a while. It would be a good way to bury the hatchet and perhaps find some common ground on improving NoMi.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Thug Lifestyle Part 2: The Ghetto Cars
This blog thread posted by the Irving Inquisition uses some explicit language, as well as depicting some aspects of life in North Minneapolis that some readers may find objectionable. Reader discretion is advised.
1st Up: Thugs, and Their Ridiculous Stolen Cars Pimped by Drug Money.
Us working stiffs drive regular cars, pay the mortgage or rent, and if we’re lucky we have a few bucks left over after our bum paychecks pay the bills. The average Joe in North Minneapolis can’t afford an $80,000 BMW 745i. The average resident in Edina can’t even afford an $80,000 BMW 745i. Yet there’s somebody that’s parked in front of their place on Penn Avenue North that can?
I like the missing license plates. No proof taped up anywhere on the windows showing that the vehicle was recently sold. This car is illegal as hell; you can’t park on the street without updated tabs you know.
Yes, yes, yes… You can have one of these vehicles too if you steal one or sell drugs. But let me just tell ya first… Just because you don’t drive a great big Cadillac, you can still stand tall! Just be thankful for what you’ve got!
Jerk Du Jour: Thugs Working the Corner
Wish I had the Pusher Man song lying around here to express how I feel about this sort of thing.
Thugs patrol the intersection of Penn and Golden Valley Road in their drug dealer uniforms all day and night long. I must be in the wrong business or something, these guys must be making bank to spend all day over here.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Return of Mount Trashmore!
This blog thread posted by the Irving Inquisition uses some explicit language, as well as depicting some aspects of life in North Minneapolis that some readers may find objectionable. Reader discretion is advised.
1st Up: Something Really Stinks!
The garbage situation at 2201 Irving Avenue North was blogged about a month and a half ago. The post July 4th celebration looked like a landfill in the alley. Well, here we go again…
I returned home the other evening. A house party at 2201 was in progress. As I walked up to the back door, keys in hand, ready to go inside, I could hear the party goers commenting on my race—typically I’m referred to as “that white boy”—as I entered my home. The music was blasting, but fortunately it seemed that the neighbors weren’t in the mood to receive a noise violation call from MPD that evening.
As I leave my house today, what do I see? Wow, Mount Trashmore is back! Bags with holes litter strewn around, and garbage in the recycling bins. This apocalyptic display of trash may seem reminiscent to some sort of modern art. The problem here, however, is the stench, the flies, the bees, and general nastiness of it all.
Just looking at the pictures you can see recyclables that should be in the bin. It’s another couple days before the garbage truck comes through here. This is going to get really nasty between now and then.
Naturally, 311 was informed right away about this.
Jerk Du Jour: The Drug Dealers
Let’s face it; drugs are at the very center of our societal and urban woes here. The dealers, the users, the enablers, the criminal justice system, and everybody sitting on the sidelines are all players in this calamity.
There is no 1 person to site here, and the problem is so morbid and huge there is no 1 solution to the problem either. For a little escape, I turn to Dave Chappelle. Enjoy!
Meet Community Revitalizer: James Kpoto
This blog thread posted by the Irving Inquisition uses some explicit language, as well as depicting some aspects of life in North Minneapolis that some readers may find objectionable. Reader discretion is advised.
1st Up: Meet James Kpoto
I want to take some time to talk about the people in our Northside neighborhoods that act as a source of inspiration for me and so many others. To that end I want to start with James Kpoto.
James is a neighbor of mine, a block club leader, a revitalizer, a JACC board member, and most importantly a true friend. James has a very busy life with work and family, yet still has managed to keep his revitalization hat on throughout the years.
A native Liberian, James moved to the United States just over ten years ago and settled here in Minneapolis. Since James moved into the area, his immediate section of the neighborhood has been positively impacted, as there is virtually no littering, virtually no loitering, and virtually no crime.
James personal interests include neighborhood revitalization, his family—they all turned out great—and electronics. Oh yea, his wife makes the best collard greens too! I share a common interest of kicking back and enjoying cold Heinekens and home entertainment systems with James. But don’t even think of breaking into his house! He’s got an advanced security system with cameras.
In the past, James would confront tenants at troubled properties directly and make efforts to engage them in the community. In spite of the personal risk to himself, many of these efforts paid off.
James is a pillar of stability in our community. I’m proud that he’s my neighbor, and prouder yet that he’s my friend.
Jerk Du Jour: Fire ‘N’ Ice
It’s not the mediocre Philly Cheese Steak sandwiches, or the lemonade that tastes like a snow cone mixed with yellow 5 and high-fructose corn syrup that bothers me about this place. It’s the white thug T-shirts they sell here that bothers me.
I understand business is business, but they’re contributing to the issue of gang affiliations, because just about every thug loitering in public, or booming their cars, seems to be wearing one of these things. Nothing like a non-descript fashion to help avoid being specifically identified after a crime has been committed. That being said, the Irving Inquisition considers the sale of urban apparel at this restaurant to be an enabling factor for crime and gang violence. I call upon the community in to join me in pressuring them to cease sales of the thug gear.
Fire 'N' Ice... Today's Jerk Du Jour.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Take a Field Trip to So Low
This blog thread posted by the Irving Inquisition uses some explicit language, as well as depicting some aspects of life in North Minneapolis that some readers may find objectionable. Reader discretion is advised.
1st Up: Go to So Low
This Irving Inquisition blogger tends to frequent more businesses in and around Broadway, so I had never been to So Low. Not any particular reason for it, I just never got around to it.
Through word of mouth I’ve heard a lot of good things about So Low recently, so a group of us hit the streets with a mission to see what they’ve got at this grocery store.
The produce department is small and modest, seemed pretty typical local market to me at first. Walk a little further and then BAM! Meat central opens up in front of you. Red meat, poultry, and seafood of so many varieties were on sale.
The meat department was selling items I didn’t know you could buy; goat cubes, hog maws, and snail meat to name a few.
I was impressed by the array of consumables they have, which I had never even heard of. Kanya, for example, it looks like it’s a dessert, I think; never heard of it or tried it before.
So Low brought back sentimental memories of shopping in neighborhood markets in New York and Germany, back when I lived in those places. While there are other places in Minneapolis where you can buy exotic groceries, like Mercado Centraal, it’s nice that we have one here in North.
Irving Inquisition warmly endorses So Low.
Jerk Du Jour: Paul Bertelson
3121 Queen Avenue North really chapped my ass the other day when I walked past it. The property itself doesn’t look like it’s too far gone or anything like that, but the broken blinds, the illegally parked car, and the 10 foot tall Elm tree growing out of the concrete in front of the garage, blocking anybody who would attempt to park inside said garage, pushed me over the edge.
Apparently, “Mission Inn Minnesota Inc” owns the property. Paul Bertelson and his wife Nan pay the taxes on it. There was a sale on contract for deed back in 2006. It isn’t clear to me exactly who sold the property to who, but what is clear is that Paul Bertelson has a stake in the property. Either as the owner who sold on contract for deed, or purchased. He still pays the taxes on the thing, so far as I’m concerned he’s the responsible party.
Research indicates that Bertelson is on the board of directors for Upper Room Leadership, a church out in St. Louis Park. Additionally, Bertelson is founder and CEO of YouthWorks! Inc.
Based on what I read on those two sites, it looks like Bertelson is a real nice guy doing God’s work. Fair enough. But this isn’t the church, this is a neighborhood, and Bertelson’s property looks worse than Sarah Jessica Parker on a bad hair day. A double 311 was dispensed to take care of the illegally parked car and the pavement busting tree.
Paul Bertelson… Today’s Jerk Du Jour
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Lamenting Lowry
This blog thread posted by the Irving Inquisition uses some explicit language, as well as depicting some aspects of life in North Minneapolis that some readers may find objectionable. Reader discretion is advised.
1st Up: The New Target Zone
Much as the Eco Village was several years ago in the Hawthorne neighborhood, so is the area of Jordan around Thomas and Lowry today.I went out to lunch with a friend to Tootie’s on Lowry the other day. After lunch we decided to walk over to Lowry and Penn and do some window shopping.
The walk to the store and back to the car proved to be a sobering experience to say the least. Blighted properties littered the landscape. Garbage and dilapidation were everywhere.
Here we have an obvious case of absentee landlords and an equally obvious case of apathetic tenants.
While walking down the street and past alleys, my wondering eyes spotted this trash-pocolypse of junk and garbage lying around. It was everywhere.
Take a peek at 3121 Queen. Note the ghetto parking job on the grass. Obviously the garage is out. If you’ve got a 10 foot Elm tree growing out of the concrete, blocking the garage doors, it’s pretty clear nobody is going to be parking that way.
I can only speculate that the owner of this car feels that their vehicle might be safer on the lawn than on the street. I wouldn’t count on it though. Wiggles, the crack-smoking, yard crapping hooker may leave a gift to remember.Jerk Du Jour: Phone Book People
On the way back we walked past the boarded up Ghetto America, and what do I see?...
Phone books deposited in front of a boarded up business? Seriously, how is that any different from littering?
These guys are on a mission to deliver as many books as possible. It doesn’t matter that there’s no legitimate inhabitants of said property in sight. Got boarded up windows? No problem; Dex and Yellowbook deliver to your door step, or any door step for that matter, regardless of rain, sleet, or snow.
I know Johnny Northside has been talking about these things for years, but still… Somebody actually was paid to put phonebooks in front of a boarded up SA. What the fuck?
Phonebook people… Today’s Jerk Du Jour.
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