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- The I.I.
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Wednesday, August 11, 2010
3:15 PM | Posted by The I.I. | | Edit Post
This blog thread posted by the Irving Inquisition uses some explicit language, as well as depicting some aspects of life in North Minneapolis that some readers may find objectionable. Reader discretion is advised.
1st Up: Ordinary Day Turned Extraordinary Day!
Tuesday the 10th looked like it might be just another steamy hot August day. But from the get-go everything seemed like it might be different. I ate breakfast before going to work and packed a lunch, I rarely do these things.
Later that day, I swung by NHS to fill out some paperwork. On my way in I saw this home mechanic working on his car. Initial thoughts were; this guy has guts to be working in this heat and this humidity, especially when the road sucks up the heat and burns way hotter than the air. As I left NHS, I decided to head back the same way. Unfortunately, all that remained of the car mechanic was a large chipotle pepper where a human being once was. To those who are about to die—heat stroke; seniors in brown-outs—we salute you!
The primary was on, time to get over to the local polling place and cast my ballot. It seemed like it was going to be just another election when… Just like the sun comes up every day, so does Roger Smithud’s running for office. The man has a campaign platform of great experience in running for office and not getting elected. If there’s anybody out there that’s run for office and lost more than John Edwards has, it’s Roger Smithrud. I almost cast a sympathy vote for him, but ultimately decided against it. Some day when faced by somebody who wants to know why I voted for a specific candidate for County Commissioner for District 2, the answer of “Well shucks, I’ve just seen his name a bunch of times on the ballot before” probably wouldn’t go over very well.
After casting the ballot, next stop was to visit fellow revitalizers and friends here in NoMi. On the way there I spotted a very rare golden Cadillac. The ghetto gods have smiled upon us… (Imagine a very precise British accent) Spying the critically endangered golden Cadillac is said to lift spirits, increase alcohol consumption, and raise audio decibels. Rumor has it, driving a golden Caddy increases a man’s sexual prowess if he’s driving on Broadway, Lowry, Penn, Bloomington, East Lake, or Cedar. It is said that women engaging in the world’s oldest profession, are attracted to the pheromones excreted by the driver of a golden Cadillac. Should the interior by comprised of a leopard skin pattern, there’s a near perfect guarantee that such a man will be compensated generously by these women with cash and may often initiate mating rituals. In exchange, the Cadillac driver will provide the females with very limited quantities of a white powdery substance or little white stones. The encounter ends with lots of shouting and the male leaves by rapidly accelerating the engine and peeling out.
The golden Cadillac was gone once more!
I spent some time hanging out with friends and watched the sky get darker and darker. Then somebody got an idea to go see Linda Higgins at Jax in Northeast Minneapolis. The NoMi gang arrived at Jax just as the rain started to pour… we were trapped! To our surprise, it turned out that Jax was actually the camping site for Margaret Anderson Kelliher’s campaign. Drenched in sweat, we ascended the stairs to the upper level to see a full blown campaign rally in progress. Nice party, but the A/C didn’t work so great. We descended to the main level and hung out in the bar to escape the swarm of humanity.
Eventually, people trying to escape from the stale air of the second would join us on the first floor as well. Just by sitting at the bar I got to see and meet Linda Higgins as well as get a glimpse of US senator, Amy Klobuchar. Fascinating! I had no idea that this evening would turn out this way. At this point the storm was raging outside! Thunder pounded violently against the ear drums of the NoMi adventurers. Rain was coming down in buckets, and it wasn’t your average garden variety rain. It was that fat rain, like the kind you see in the last Matrix movie. The power went out, then back on, then back out, then back on… The bar was beginning to smell like a Bronx subway station; and the senator, the governor hopeful, and state senator would be gasping for stale air in the pitch black of the second floor of Jax. Not being interested in sharing in their fate, we left. It was a mad dash back to car. Rain poured down with the strength of a high pressure setting on a garden hose. By the time everybody got back to the car, we were all completely soaked through in through.
The drive back to NoMi was wrought with flooding on streets and intersections. The mission was to get to higher ground. We crossed the bridge on Broadway, where I was almost immediately forced to turn around because of the flooding in front of the bridge by Broadway Pizza. Finally, we made it to our first stop back. I dropped my friend off so they could get their car, and we were off to Irving Inquisition’s HQ. Thinking the adventure was just about over; I drove carefully through the blasting sheets of rain so we could safely reach our destination in Jordan. At last, we’re on Irving and home free! Not so fast. Some tree decided it had enough and fell over, blocking all southbound traffic on Irving at Glengale Park. Nice.
We made it back to my place. Soaked, but refreshed, and laughing our asses off from all the unplanned excitement we experienced. Good times!
Jerk Du Jour: Jordan Hawkman Group
Is there ever a time when these people ARE NOT lying? The funny thing is, none of these schmucks actually live in Jordan. Who are they? It’s generally believed that JHG is comprised of the following people.
- Brian Smith: Ex-JACC chair, thug-hugger, walked away from his house and let it go into foreclosure. He no longer lives in Jordan. Has a history of being belligerent and pulling the race card constantly.
- Don Allen: Convicted felon, poverty pimp, convicted of writing fraudulent checks in the thousands by stealing a check book from somebody in the VA hospital. That’s just totally fucked up. He doesn’t live in Jordan.
- Jim Watkins: Compatriot and friend of the TJ Waconia swindlers. They’re in jail and he’s not. He talks shit about Johnny Northside from his home in Texas as the “anti-Johnny” alias. He must be bored or something, you would think he’d take an interest in what’s going on in his neck of the woods. Definitely not a Jordan resident.
- Terry Yza…something: Has a connection to Texas as well, but it’s been a while. There’s speculation—can’t say for certain—that Terry had a drug abuse problem some time ago. She’s behind on her property taxes, yet feels emboldened enough to criticize JACC board members’ loan to home value. Also, not a Jordan resident.
There may be others, it’s hard to say. The writing styles on that blog vary from time to time, yet they appear to be similar to IBNNNNN No-News, and the Broken Mirror, spelling errors, punctuation errors, bad grammar and all.
You can see in this posting here that they claim the Inquisition “was busted by Blogger for publishing a Racist Post.” Not only is the statement false, but the words “racist” and “post” were erroneously capitalized. Additionally, that comment was a straight up lie.
Here’s another blatant all out lie laced with more errors.
“Editor's Note: Thanks to JHG's efforts, The JACC Vice Chair FINALLY is going to address SOME of his repairs. Good work Hawks! Perhaps he can work out some of his frustrations by doing some good old fashioned hard work.”
JHG, did you pass English class; high school English that is? You’re supposed to say “…the JACC Vice Chair is FINALLY…”
Sauce for the goose… Here’s yet another one.
“Eric John thinks by gentrifying the neighborhood he will revitalize the neighborhood, The Jordan Hawkman Group think the effort should start at home......his home!”
Let’s see here, for starters, who’s Eric John? The sentence structure is awkward and incorrect due to the lack of a definite article; no relative clause after the word “thinks”, makes the duplicitous use of the word “neighborhood” redundant , and finally the punctuation is faulty by using “,” before starting a new sentence. The context in which that statement was made involved the photographer, who trespassed on to my property to get that photo. To get close-ups that close, you would have to be super close to the ground and only a few feet away to not get my cherry trees in the picture.
In my college educated judgment, the Jordan Hawkman Group’s mastery of the English language is around the same level of a 7th or 8th grader. JHG has demonstrated poor grammar, lousy spelling, inaccurate use of punctuation, and faulty content. Ah yes, the endless lying doesn’t help either. Fail.
Jordan Hawkman Group… Today’s—may as well be every day—Jerk Du Jour
- ► 2011 (56)
- A Story About the Sacrifice
- Revitalizer's Manifesto: Home Improvement
- Level 3 Sex Offender Moved In... Timothy Mark Walt...
- The NoMi Blog Wars
- Thug Lifestyle Part 2: The Ghetto Cars
- Return of Mount Trashmore!
- Meet Community Revitalizer: James Kpoto
- Take a Field Trip to So Low
- Lamenting Lowry
- Not Exactly Blue Sky Thinking
- Level 3 Sex Offender Moved In... Michael James Bar...
- Ordinary Day Turned Extraordinary Day!
- Gentrification is a Good Thing
- Walking the Beat
- Thug Lifestyle Part 1: The Booze
- ▼ August (16)